Feeling better.

And everything changed in one afternoon. A long talk with dad, two cups of tea, seven cigarettes.. Hearing Tom last night, seeing Amy and Horst, playing Wii Motion Plus (JESUS CHRIST, SO FUN!), talking to Leo, numbness, steak knives, slice of carrot cake.

It all helped. And now Huei is sweet once again. What a stupid crazy emotional episode about nothing.
Stupid thoughts, they need to be put into perspective more often or they just go nut crazy and think they rule over your brain. It’s disgusting how I let myself become like that.. Sorry. Feeling rather embarrassed about how I let everything just take control hah.

-NUTS? -CRAZY? I LIKE NUTS, THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY!
Anyway, this helped a lot:

“A sense of melancholy lies beneath moving experiences of art; this is the sorrow of beauty’s immaterial temporality. Art projects an unattainable ideal, the ideal of beauty that momentarily touches the eternal.”

‘Eyes of the Skin’, Juhani Pallasmaa, a Finnish architect.

Plus I have a lot to look forward to! Like this boyman for example:

Cheers,
` hy.

There are no flights available anymore..
Stuck here until Wednesday.

Tempted

To leave tonight. I see a flight for $50. Very reasonable.

I need to get out of here, but suffering through it would result in me learning a little more. Or so I fucking hope. There’s nothing I want more than to have him here and closer, but time alone would do me good. Provided I don’t go totally ape shit and ya know..

I only brought $200 back with me. So far $40 has gone to gas. $20 to food. $20 to smokies. $20 tobacco. So that leaves me with a measly $100 left. Ugh, what the hell am I going to do with that. Buying shit isn’t going to make me feel better, infact it would make things only worse.

To help get my life back on track I have decided that this week:

• No drugs or alcohol. It’s defuckingtox week. (note how cleverly I inserted that in, oh brilliant, sheer genius!)
• Wake up at 8am every day. What am I going to do then? Well whatever the fuck I want really! Tomorrow is having coffee and reading the paper. I just need some of my daily Wellington routine brought down here.
• Go out, get lost, take photos. Maybe with someone, maybe alone.
• Create an amazing budgeting plan for the rest of the year in order to pay off $2000 and save $2000. Just so I feel a little better.
• Arts Centre this weekend, fo shiz.

So I guess I’m staying. Seven days Huei, come on, cheer the fuck up already.

Things to purchase

• A map of the world.
• Sculpey polymer clay.
• Earrings (hopefully the holes are still there, or I will repierce them myself).
• Canvasses.
• A kitten.
• Kitten things.
• Sheet leather.
• Sewing kit.
• Knitting equipment.

That’s right, for the next half of the year I am going to learn to knit, learn to sew, make books, paint a lot, sculp, film things, get back into photography, learn to play the guitar, examine who I want to be.

And perhaps learn to include punctuation in my scattered blog posts.